What Could Have Page 4

  Leading her on wasn’t an option, especially when he couldn’t make promises. And he didn’t want to lose her. Or her friendship.

  The drive down to San Antonio was filled with Tony and Jessica talking. The difference between their accents was a hoot. Being from Georgia, Tony had all the southern charm and twang to go along with it. It worked in his favor. Especially with the ladies.

  Jessica was from Brooklyn, and her accent was so thick she almost sounded as if she were speaking another language. Each time she said a word ending with the letter r, such as mirror, water, car, the occupants would break out in hysterical glees of laughter. The woman just couldn’t pronounce the words normally. Listening to them go back and forth was hilarious, and while he should have been laughing his ass off, he kept quiet.

  Occasionally, Annabelle would speak up, but he preserved and stayed silent, trying to work out the mess in his head.

  There was a lone answer to help things: he needed to step back. He hated doing it, especially after what she had given up for him, but he couldn’t chance losing her. Their friendship was one he wanted to keep. Sex and emotions would ruin their easy camaraderie, would break the two of them apart, and he wasn’t mature enough to do a long-distance anything. If he were to get with Annabelle, monogamy would be it. It’s what she deserved. No way would he be able to keep the distance and their relationship together. No matter how much he wanted it. He was assigned to Florida. It was either follow her and risk jail by going AWOL, or have her risk the same.

  The world fucking sucked.

  But he wanted her. Even now, the sweet vanilla spice that was all Annabelle wafted up to him from the backseat and seeped in his lungs. His dick was unbearably hard, his pants snug. Sweat beaded on his brow and he took a deep breath.

  Big fucking mistake.

  Her scent slammed into him and he went ramrod as his cock kicked. His pulse pounded with need. Goddamn it, he needed to get out of this van. He needed to get laid. And it had to be someone other than her.

  Yeah, that was it.

  As soon as the van stopped, Lucas opened the door and bounded out. Tony was quick on his heels and gave him a quizzical look. “You all right, bro?”

  “Yeah, tight.” Pretty much described it.

  “Uh huh…” Tony looked like he didn’t believe a word he said. Lucas didn’t blame the guy, he didn’t believe himself either.

  “So you all still want to catch a movie?” Annabelle’s sweet voice rolled over him and he fought back the groan bubbling in his chest. He needed to get away from her before he did something he’d regret. Like take her in the middle of the street. Impulse made him say what he did next, and he cursed himself for it. He didn’t meet her eyes, couldn’t.

  “Actually, Tony and I are gonna check out a bar down the street, Anna. We’ll catch up with you two later.”

  Tony’s head swung around in surprise and his eyes narrowed on Lucas.

  “Oh…”

  He was an asshole. Her voice dropped, changed. He wouldn’t be surprised if someone called him out on hurting her. He heard it himself.

  “Okay then, Luc,” she said. “We’ll catch up later.”

  “Yup.” He swallowed, didn’t meet her eyes. “See ya.”

  He walked away, and it was the hardest damn thing he had to do in his life. He headed down the street, not even knowing if a bar was in this direction. It was his first time in San Antonio, and as Tony fell into step beside him, he knew if he looked back, Annabelle would be staring at him, her eyes sad, and her mouth pouty and begging to be kissed.

  This was his escape. He needed to get away. She was nineteen, he twenty-two. She knew as much as he that she couldn’t go into the bars downtown, and even if she could, they both were well aware that he hadn’t issued her an invitation.

  “You’re an asshole,” Tony grumbled next to him.

  Didn’t he fucking know it? He didn’t answer, though. Just nodded and tried like hell to get Annabelle out of his head and her scent out of his lungs.

  * * * * *

  Annabelle watched Lucas walked off. Her chest hurt and her mind spun with confusion at his abrupt mood change.

  What the hell just happened?

  She thought they were close. He’d spent a majority of his time with her, but sometimes it felt as if he only tolerated her. Her self-doubt made her wonder if he did all that simply because she was around. Someone to make his life less lonely. An extra body to keep him company.

  She, on the other hand? She had it bad. He was everything she’d ever dreamed of, her hero from fairytales she dreamt as a child. If she had to admit, she never felt this way toward anyone. Not even with her boyfriend of two years, the one she left behind to join the Air Force. The problem was, whenever she tried to build up the nerve to do something about her attraction to Lucas, she chickened out or he ran off.

  Expecting it to happen.

  Was she that translucent?

  He had to know. She didn’t hold back when she told him her reasons for staying behind another week. It was because of him and only him. He’d been surprised, but something like relief crossed his face, too.

  Making a move on that attraction? She had no clue where to begin. She had been with one man before. Samuel was her first boyfriend, the only guy she had experimented with, and, much to his dismay, nothing ever went past third base. It was never the right time for her. She wasn’t holding herself for marriage or anything, but her virginity was a unique gift, and despite knowing Lucas for just a few months, she wanted like hell to give him a piece of herself.

  Telling him that, though, making that move, and then having him actually agree on it, were three entirely different things.

  “You okay?” Jessica’s question pulled Annabelle from her musings.

  She shrugged and glanced over her shoulder, looking down the sidewalk for one more glance of Lucas. It was empty. Bare. Sort of like how her chest felt. “I don’t know.” She turned back. “Was that weird to anyone else, too? Or is it just me?”

  Jessica lifted a brow and tossed her long curls over one shoulder. “You still haven’t said anything, have you?”

  She didn’t respond. How in the hell could she possibly describe her fear of being rejected by him? Of not being good enough? Pretty enough. Sexy enough.

  Jessica let out an exasperated sigh. “Anna, I swear, he’s never going to catch on unless you say something. He’s a man! They just don’t get it.”

  Tension made its presence between her eyebrows. She rubbed at the pain, wishing like hell she could rub at the sting in her heart, too. “I can’t,” she answered with heavy anguish centering in her chest. “I can’t risk it, Jess.” She let out a deep breath and looked around. A waterfall cascaded in the center of the park, sending rippling waves across a smooth surface, creating chaos amongst the peace. She understood it all too well. “Let’s just go. I don’t want to stand here all night.”

  “Come on, Anna. Daniel is waiting”

  Of course. Daniel and Jessica had been seeing each other since the start of tech school. She didn’t know when they found the time or even the privacy, but none of that was any of her business.

  Taking one last lingering look at the empty sidewalk, she nodded and dragged her gaze away to head off in the opposite direction.

  Five

  Jessica, Daniel, and Annabelle had been at Hooters for a few hours. Her friends joked and laughed, the other patrons boomed and shouted out crude remarks at the football game on the big-screen TV. And with each passing moment, she grew more adamant that things couldn’t work between her and Lucas. He ran hot and cold, and he drove her to a point of confusion she knew wasn’t healthy. She wanted to curl into a ball and weep with how much her mind was spinning tales of just what he was doing right now. Maybe whom he was with.

  Instead, she plastered on a smile and engaged in time away from the base, training, and responsibilities. More so, she shied away from anything related to Lucas, at least on a romantic level. She didn’t want t
o think about him and definitely didn’t want to talk about him.

  “So, what’s happening?”

  Brows raised, she glanced at Jessica and shrugged.

  “Not a whole lot. Glad to finally get some time away from base.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about, Belle.”

  Annabelle drew her brows down at the nickname. “It’s Anna. Please don’t use Belle. I feel like I should be in a church or something when you say that. And I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, but if you want to tell me—”

  “Lucas. What’s going on with Lucas?”

  She choked on her soda and set the glass down slowly. “Nothing. Drop it.”

  The look on Jessica’s face told her she wouldn’t. “No. Stop that. We all see the way you two look at one another. I think it’s time you stop dancing around the fact that you want more.”

  Annabelle sighed and shut her eyes briefly. Lucas’ face flashed behind her lids, and she snapped them opened again. How to answer? She had no idea. Yeah, sure, she wanted to admit she cared for him. Hell, that it went way beyond friendship. She hadn’t met anyone in her life she felt so connected to, hadn’t felt as though anyone could see her true self, and hadn’t felt so comfortable with anyone, male or female, other than her Lucas.

  But he wasn’t really hers, was he? And the passing time tonight with him not around proved that. How they parted ways on the street solidified that thought.

  “Anna?”

  “Ugh, Jess, really.” Tossing her hands up, she pushed away from the table. “I don’t know what to say. We’re just friends, best friends. There really can’t be anything more. Do I want more? Well, hell, who wouldn’t? He’s a great guy. Smart, funny, caring, and wickedly sexy, but it won’t work. Right now, I can’t focus on him. I need to focus on graduating.

  “Besides, who knows where the Air Force will station me once all is said and done. He’s going back to Florida. I could be going anywhere.” She ran the bottom of her cup around in circles on the tabletop. Lucas. What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about her?

  Probably not. “It won’t work and I’m not willing to lose his friendship over my stupid feelings.”

  “Call your feelings stupid one more time, Anna, and I’m gonna clobber you.” The venom in Jessica’s voice caused her to snap her head up in surprise.

  Insecurity rose to the surface, fast and sharp. “I have no clue, Jess. Please, just stop this. I don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to keep worrying over what friendship I’ll have left with Lucas.” She dropped her voice so only Jessica could hear. “All I know is while I have never felt this way, I don’t want to lose him. I don’t think he feels the same way about me. I also don’t think he would want someone so…” She swallowed hard. “Inexperienced as myself. Lucas is three years older. I’m still a virgin, for crying out loud. Who is still a virgin at nineteen anymore? He needs a woman, not a girl.”

  She shook her head and turned her attention back to her soda. Her pulse thundered in her ears, and she could practically feel Jessica’s stare boring into the side of her head. She wouldn’t continue with this conversation. Not in Hooters, not in some strange place far from home, and not without Lucas. Not ever.

  A few moments of silence passed before she glanced at her watch. “Shit, we need to go. The van will be here soon.”

  They hopped out of their chairs, paid the bill, and headed outside. Down the road, two vans waited to take them back to their voluntary prison. At least, that was the way she viewed things now. Yes, she had signed up to serve her country and offer the biggest sacrifice of all, her life, but without knowing what the rest of the military was like, their dorm felt more like a prison.

  She glanced up as she heard fits of unfamiliar giggles. Lucas and Tony stepped out of the shadows, each with a girl wrapped around their waists.

  The pain she’d been experiencing all night assaulted her chest with double strength. She sucked in a sharp breath. Her stomach tumbled and her vision narrowed as if she’d run into a dark tunnel. The pounding in her ears emphasized her heartbeat, which thundered like a late summer storm.

  Lucas lifted his dark gaze from the bimbo on his hip and met her eyes. She didn’t want to see him, couldn’t stand to witness any type of lust he may have left over so soon after looking at another woman. Not when she wanted that look tossed in her direction so bad.

  She bolted for the vans, tried to keep her cool, and prayed that was all that showed on the outside.

  On the inside, turmoil and pain filled her.

  “You’re an asshole, Lucas.” Annabelle cringed at Jessica’s words, but kept her attention away from the door and stared out the window. She couldn’t focus on anything. Only the ache. She shouldn’t be upset. Once again, he wasn’t hers. But damn—she wanted him to be.

  Ugh, she was all kinds of fucked in the head.

  * * * * *

  Lucas didn’t know the name of the chick clinging to him. Hell, if you asked him what her eye color was he wouldn’t be able to tell you. In fact, he couldn’t remember a damn thing about the female plastered to his side. But if asked any detail about Annabelle, he could recite specific items about her, right on down to the small scars across her hands.

  He was an asshole.

  He glanced at Annabelle and wanted to kick himself. She bit her lip and had her hands clenched in her lap. She looked like she was in pain, a pain she tried like hell to hide, but she’d never been good at keeping secrets from him.

  He was officially the biggest loser. He wasn’t worthy of her. Not by a long shot.

  The girl at his side purred in his ear, tried to rub her curves against him. Curves that weren’t nearly as soft and womanly as those of the woman sitting inside the van. She smelled of lemons, not the mouthwatering vanilla Annabelle always seemed to have attached to her.

  He was suddenly disgusted with his actions. Gently prying the girl off his side, he pushed her away with a polite smile. Before she could get her clingy hands back on him, he jumped into the van and took the seat next to Annabelle. She stiffened and pushed herself closer to the window. He deserved a kick in the nuts for how bad he had fucked things up, despite his attempt to keep their friendship intact.

  Tony popped into the van, slid the doors shut, and they were off. It was too quiet, the four of them not uttering a word. Lucas didn’t care. All attention was on the female sitting next to him.

  Don’t do it, Lucas.

  He couldn’t help it; he shifted closer and kept his gaze on her profile. Warmth melted through his jeans from where her thigh touched his.

  She turned her head slightly, her frown deepening before she glanced away. “Stop it, Luc.”

  “Stop what?”

  She rotated to him again and lowered her voice. “Stop staring at me.”

  He crept closer and tried to swallow, but his mouth had gone dry.

  She widened her eyes briefly before setting her face into its cool veneer. He needed to figure out a way to take that mask out, so he could heat her back up.

  Bad idea.

  She bit her lip and he stared at the plump treat. He had always loved her lips. Without realizing just how many men stared at exact replicas in pornos, without understanding how incredibly sensual her mouth was, without playing them up with lipstick, they were au’ natural. The lower one was full and pouty, giving him all kinds of visuals on everything he wanted to do to it.

  He wanted a taste.

  Just a taste…

  He scooted closer.

  She’s your best friend, Luc. Stop it.

  He didn’t want to listen. He wrapped his palm around the side of her neck and brushed his thumb across her erratic thump beating there, ignoring the sudden tensing of her body. Her pulse was like a hammer thrashing against his thumb, a rhythm that matched his galloping heart.

  She swallowed loudly and sucked in a breath.

  Damn liquid courage.

  “Luc?”

  He leaned in
as they pulled onto the road that would take them to the front gate of the base.

  It won’t work.

  “I don’t care…”

  Too late, he realized he spoke aloud. His head dipped and closed the distance to her mouth. A light brush of his lips against hers sent a shot of desire singing through him. She breathed against his mouth, but didn’t move away.

  He nudged her again, and the second brush had his cock swelling against his zipper. She tasted better than she smelled. So sweet. So soft. So Annabelle. He rubbed his lips back and forth on hers and tightened his hand on her neck to bring her in closer.

  She whimpered. Just a small sound, but he heard it.

  Captured it.

  With his mouth.

  He palmed the side of her face and used his hold to tilt her head, ready to go in for a deeper kiss. Images popped in his head that should be outlawed. She felt like the softest cotton against him, maybe even exactly what he imagined clouds to feel like when he stared up at them as a kid. He wanted more, knew he’d never get enough. He was drunk on Annabelle and her tempting lips, addicted, and he didn’t care.

  And to think, this was just brushing his lips against hers. It wasn’t even a kiss, wasn’t a full taste.

  Opening his mouth, he nipped softly at her bottom lip, the same one that drove him crazy for months. She drew in a shaky breath and stayed still, didn’t push him off or deny him. No, judging from her body language, she seemed to be waiting. Another nibble at her bottom lip, and he captured it between his teeth and sucked slightly. Her breathy moan had a low, approving growl building in his chest, threatening to break free.

  There’s no turning back now.

  Shifting slightly away, he met her dark eyes and waited for her to stop him. She didn’t. Instead, there was nothing but acceptance. Want. “Annabelle…” He tangled his fingers in her hair and wrapped the long strands around his wrist, giving her head a sharp tug. Her eyes widened and her mouth parted on a silent gasp. If the flush across her cheeks said anything, it told him she liked that. And he bet she’d like a lot more.